Food for Thought
by Calumnw
Summary: As a new brand of healthy foods sweeps the nation, Sophie Owens becomes addicted to the brand, much to Craig's annoyance... but as a familiar face comes crashing into Craig's life once again, such an addiction is revealed to be the work of a monster...
1. Prologue

Poor Farmer Nick had been subject to constant abuse from yobs constantly rustling his about in his crops, often with theft on the agenda. One misty night, he was awoken to the sound of two of the blighters, laughing as they smashed some of his flowerpots near his front door to pieces. At first he tried to ignore it; he'd had a long day, and was valuing sleep above his plants. But at last he lost patience; after the fifth flowerpot he heard them smash, he got out of bed, rummaged around for the cricket bat he kept under his bed, grabbed it, and then ran outside after the dim silhouettes of the yobs, yelling abuse at them. As they legged it, a horrible screeching noise echoed long into the night. Nick didn't know its origin, but he couldn't care less; all that was on his mind was delivering solid justice on the yobs. However, as the duo he was chasing had reached the entrance to his gate, a large, blinding light appeared just outside the gate, consuming the silhouettes of the two yobs. The light dimmed somewhat, enough for it to be visible, but not enough for it to shine on anything much. The transition was akin to that of a blazing car light turning into that of a torch on dying batteries. Farmer Nick, too flustered to comprehend what just happened, instead let out a weak and tired cry of "who goes there?" in the general direction of the newly emerged light. A loud, albeit croaky reply came;  
>"So… hungry…"<br>"Well clear off!" retorted Nick angrily "you ain't gettin' no food from me, I don't care how hungry you are!"  
>"You… look… delicious…" the same croaky, loud voice replied again.<br>There was Farmer Nick's mistake. Much too tired to set his priorities in order, he instead stood dumbstruck to think how the owner of the voice could have seen him in this dark of night, instead of the fact that said owner clearly expressed a vague desire to eat Nick. Then, Nick suddenly felt a sticky, slimy appendage cling to his chest tightly. He struggled to get himself free, but it was no use. He was dragged to where the dim light was, despite his best efforts to escape. The further he came to the light, the more faint his vision became, until the poor old farmer was consumed by the pitch black forever.


	2. Chapter 1

Life for Craig Owens, an average but loyal individual once described as resembling a sofa, had been reasonably mundane and aggravating for a while. Despite the economic climate, he was getting through jobs like nobody's business; every time he had settled into a new job he spotted a potentially higher paying one, and would try and take it immediately; all to try and fund his wife Sophie's dream of working in an orangutan sanctuary abroad, and to also support the needs of his baby son Alfie – who also liked to be called "Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All". Not that Craig minded the frustration that was his life too much; he loved his wife and Alfie and wouldn't trade them for the world, but regardless he couldn't help but feel sometimes irritated, and despite the constant changes, bored of the life he had led for the past two months. Especially considering those two months were preceded by his two encounters with an alien time traveller resembling a young geography teacher, whom he had helped stop a malfunctioning time machine from destroying the Solar System, and helped thwart the plans of a group of emotionless metal men. Not a day went past where he didn't think of that brilliant, bonkers alien, who had turned his life upside down. But the alien hadn't bothered to visit much beyond Craig and his second encounter; Craig couldn't think of why, the alien had seemed rather fond of him, going as far to call him a "good mate" – that being mate as in friend, not as in a potential individual he'd reproduce with – but Craig knew that the alien operated in mysterious ways. Hell, he didn't even reveal his true name – this alien only referred to himself as "the Doctor".

One day, Sophie approached Craig out of nowhere in regards to his physical health.  
>"I just think," she told him in a tone somewhere between condensing and berating, "that you could afford to lose some weight, you know?"<br>"I thought you never minded my weight, Soph?" grumbled Craig "you said it made me sort of… cuddly?"  
>"Oh, it does Craig!" Sophie insisted, "But there's teddy bear cuddly, and there's over-the-top cuddly, y'know? I just feel you should be a bit more conscious about how much, or little, exercise you do, and what you put into your body, y'know? To set a good example for Alfie."<br>"B-b-but!" Craig objected "I do exercise! I play for the pub league! And I don't eat that unhealthily! I mean, I'm not Jamie Oliver, but sti-"  
>"If it'll make you feel better", Sophie interrupted, "I'll try and lose some weight too. In fact, let's finish all the crap we have in the fridge over the course of this week. And why don't we sort out what we'll be replacing it with sooner rather than later? I have to go food shopping tomorrow. In fact, let's go shopping now and sort out our new diet plan in the shop!"<p>

Craig attempted to object but to no avail; Sophie was soon dragging him off to a local supermarket to force upon him a selection of healthy foods. Whilst there, she pointed out to him all sorts of generic products that were apparently approved by all sorts of leading health experts weeks ago. The depth she went into with certain products was that of an encyclopaedic level; Craig wondered if she planning this pop to the shops for weeks. Eventually, Craig confided to Sophie that he just couldn't be bothered with all this healthy crap, and that he much preferred to just stick to his diet of carbs and red meat. However instead of giving up, Sophie instead dragged Craig down the food aisle to show him a selection of food stuffs that were apparently healthier substitutes for the sort of foods he usually ate.  
>"You'll like this one!" she pleaded to him, "all the leading experts and magazines have been raving about it." she was holding in her hand a clear plastic packet containing pink strips of something, resembling bacon. "It's kind of like, a tofu sort of thing. It tastes like meat, cuz it's intended to be a healthier substitute as opposed to the actual dead animals. It's made from all sorts of spices and proteins. And it's all natural!"<br>Despite these claims, Craig remained unimpressed.  
>"Listen, Soph," he said "I just can't be bothered with all this forced upon healthy stuff. If I want to lose weight and go on a diet, I'll do it on my own terms, and I'd rather research all these kind of products, and know what I'm putting into my mouth, as opposed to just being told blindly and on the spot!"<br>Sophie's face showed disappointment. Craig hated it when she pulled that face, and would do anything to avert it.  
>"Alright then…" he sighed "I'll try that stuff you were just showing me. I mean, I guess I have to lose some weight and all, and better sooner than later… and I trust you to know what'll be good for me, and not…"<br>Sophie's face of disappointed was exchanged for one of glee.  
>"Yay!" she squealed happily, "Thanks Craig!"<br>And thus she began shovelling packets upon packets of different kinds of the self-proclaimed meat substitute into some shopping bags she had bought with her.

It was Craig's turn to cook dinner that night, and he thought he might as well christen the new meat substitute, as he was probably going to have to end up living off of it for the next few weeks. He started blankly at one of the packets; on the front was a logo, resembling bright blue candy, bearing the brand name "Farmer Nick's All-In-All Meat Substitute". The All-In-All brand apparently specified in a various array of super-healthy meat substitutes. Craig thought it was all nonsense, and that you might as well eat dead animals as opposed to cheap substitutes. He was tempted to just cook some actual pork that was in the fridge for dinner instead, but decided not to for Sophie's sake. So he cooked two large portions of the meat substitute, which was intended to be a substitute for roast chicken, with broccoli and mashed potato on the side, and whipped up a much smaller, mushier meal for Alfie. He dished up the three meals at the dining table in the kitchen, and with Sophie watching in anticipation; Craig took a bite out of the meat substitute. Then he recoiled in disgust; a horrifically bitter taste swelled in his mouth long after he swallowed the chunk of meat substitute. Sophie stared, concerned, whilst Alfie stared, completely embarrassed – despite the fact that only he and his mother could see.  
>"Craig, are you alright?" asked Sophie worryingly.<br>"Yeah… it's fine…" Craig lied, through grit teeth and a burning throat, "it's just a bit of a strong taste is all…"  
>"So you don't like it?". Sophie sounded disappointed.<br>"No! No! It's good!" lied Craig again "Just a bit strong… lush after taste though".  
>Sophie hesitantly decided to take a bite out of the meat substitute. However, unlike Craig, she ate it without bother. To her, it was pretty tasteless. She couldn't see why her husband had reacted the way he did.<p>

Over the course of the next few weeks, Sophie became more and more infatuated with buying healthy food stuffs, and had bought every possible product from Farmer Nick's All-In-All brand you could think of; their breakfast products, lunches, desserts. She fell in love with the brand, but Craig had not consumed another one of their food stuffs since the first dinner; he was still repelled by the strong taste from that one dinner. Any work day where his wife made lunch for him, he disposed of the any of it related to All-In-All and instead bought a bacon sandwich, or sausage roll, from the canteen from work, or from a food service trailer. Anything to avoid a repeat of that horrible dinner. After time, Sophie became more and more obsessed with having a perfect figure and having a perfect diet, which was getting on Craig's nerves majorly.  
>"CRAIG!" she shrieked at him one morning "I'M HIDEOUSLY OBESE!"<br>"No, you're not…" mumbled Craig, who was feeling much too tired to be dealing his wife's baseless paranoia.  
>"YES I AM! I'VE PUT ON TWO POUNDS OVER THE PAST THREE WEEKS!"<br>"You're a skinny minnie to begin with, love! And it's probably just muscle anyway, it weighs more than fat. Above all, you still look gorgeous to me."  
>But she refused to have any of it. Following the small weight gain, she became further and further detached from reason and reality in terms of limits in her new diet. She had banned anything with any high amounts of sugar or salt from her eating habits, and 90% of it consisted of All-in-All products. She tried to force such an extreme shift in diet upon Craig and Alfie too, but Craig tried his best to make sure he and Alfie weren't drawn in by it, and was regularly making sneaky visits to the supermarket to purchase what he classed as "real" foods. But little did he suspect that it was to be with one of these visits that his world was to be turned upside down once again.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

On a frosty Tuesday afternoon in the autumn, Craig was driving from work, having just picked Alfie up from day-care, proceeding to make one of his sneaky visits to a supermarket to stock up on the food stuffs he wanted. With the Dark Lord of All secured in a pushchair, Craig entered the supermarket he usually made a regular stop off at, only to his horror, found that the supermarket had rearranged everything since his previous visit a mere week ago. Bemused to where everything had been located too, he was constantly asking store clerks and assistants where all his favourite foods were located. This ended up making a stop that would usually last only twenty minutes go on for far longer than it should have. An hour into this particular visit, he had begun to panic. Sophie would be home before he would, and when he would eventually get home, he would have to make something up about where he was. Or just come clean in regards to the sneaky visits to the supermarket… then he contemplated why such an innocent act of shopping was being treated in his mind like having some sordid affair. As he stood around contemplating what to do – and Alfie sat in his pushchair, bored, and wondering when his dad would hurry up – a male store assistant noticed Craig standing perplexed, and approached him in an attempt to try and help Craig.  
>"Excuse me, good sir…" the assistant began, "can I help-"<br>Craig made eye contact with the assistant, giving the assistant full view of Craig's face, and Craig full view of the assistant's. Both men awkwardly paused as they looked at each other. For the store assistant – a man with a wide nose, a chin which could pierce the heavens and the greatest fringe known to mankind – was Craig's old, alien friend. It was The Doctor.

"Doctor!" Craig blurted out in a tone that sounded like a hybrid between a whisper, a squeal, and an exclamation of confusion "w-w-what are you doing here?"  
>"Nice to see you too, Craig" the Doctor bluntly and sarcastically replied "and first of all, it's not the Doctor anymore. Never the Doctor. Instead I'm John Smith! See, I have a badge"; the Doctor proudly pointed to a name tag, displaying the name "John Smith", which was idly hanging on to his work uniform, "and to answer your question, I work in a show now… again. Shops are cool". The Doctor's face broke out into his signature, childish grin.<br>Craig, whilst happy to see the Doctor, still had nothing but questions on his mind, many of these in regards to what the Doctor was doing in Colchester for a third time. Plus, it would be nice to have a catch-up session with his friend regardless, so he asked;  
>"Doc – John…" he spluttered, "I know you're working right now but… can we have a chat? Like, when you've finished. I've got some stuff to ask you, and it'd be nice to have a catch-up anyway, haven't seen you in months…"<br>"I'm afraid I can't stop to chat, Craig" the Doctor replied, "I'm sorry, mate, but I… I can't drag you into my life again. I need to hang low… can't afford to socialise with old friends again. I'd love to talk to you and all, Craig, honestly I would, but I just can't… try and forget you ever saw me here, okay? I'll be off; I've got work to do… see you, mate." Then he glanced at Stormageddon, who was sitting, confused about the situation at hand, in his push chair. "See you, Stormy."  
>And Craig watched as the Doctor turned – walked away – paused on the spot – clenched his knuckles – stamped his feet – and walked back to Craig in a huff.<br>"Alright!" the Doctor quietly groaned "We'll have a talk... I really shouldn't, but I can't help myself… I'm a fool, Craig…"  
>"Don't say that, Doctor" reassured Craig, already having forgotten the Doctor's request to call him John Smith "you're not a fool. I see no harm in us having a catch-up sesh, you know? We'll have a chat when you're free… when're you free?"<br>The Doctor paused, considering whether having a so called "catch-up sesh" with Craig would be a good idea. "Well…" he sighed "my lunch break should be in…" he glanced at his watch; "four hours ago." He smiled at Craig. "Come along then, Owens!"  
>And he proceeded to drag Craig – making him drop his shopping bags - with Alfie in tow, out the store for a walk 'n' talk session outside.<p>

"I've been trying to hang low for a while," the Doctor explained to his old friend, "I learned 'the Doctor', got too noticed. So I faked my death and hid. I'm not even using that pseudonym much anymore. Hence John Smith on my badge." He proudly pointed to his name tag in the same way as before.  
>"You faked your death?" Craig spluttered, "Mate, that ain't legal."<br>"Who cares?" the Doctor responded "intergalactic laws can't touch me. Never have, never will. Regardless, there are some… things out there which have, I supposed, touched me, but I don't want them to touch me again."  
>Craig giggled. The Doctor didn't understand why. He merely continued his story;<br>"So I went to a place called Lake Silencio, in Utah, and as I said, faked me death. I did genuinely think I was gonna die there, it was a fixed point in time and all, but hey, as I always say, time is not the boss of you. Rule 408". He glanced at Craig as if to imply he should write that down and remember it. "Now it's considered a set-in-stone fact to most that I died on that lake. But I didn't". He then smugly grinned again. "Oh! I am oh-SO clever, aren't I, Craig?"  
>"You're mad more than anything; mate," Craig responded bluntly, "but I still don't get… why are you here? Why are you working in a shop again, in Colchester , again?"<br>"Just cuz I'm trying to lay low doesn't mean I intend to stop attempting to do good. Emphasis on attempting, mind you. It's just… there's something cropped up which I have reason to believe might prove to be somewhat dangerous-ish and, there's possibly a slim chance of it being other world-y. Honestly though Craig, don't worry about it, it's probably nothing, an-"  
>"Woah, what?" Craig burst out "Aliens? In my town? For a third BLOODY time?"<br>"Craig!" the Doctor hissed, quietly but sternly "Keep – your – voice – down."  
>"You try and make me!" Craig barked back "I am sick and tired of this! Why Colchester again?"<br>"Craig, seriously" the Doctor hissed again, "it's probably nothing, and even if it is something, I'll have it under control. Just… stay away from me. I'm dangerous. That's why I've been on my own for a while… why I haven't visited you at all, for instance. Just please, Craig, forget about me, and this situation, it'll be fine. Seriously. So just resume your normal life of telly, work and sleep, as if this conversation never happened, and I'll be on my now."  
>He began to walk away from a confounded Craig and a fed-up Alfie, but again, stamped his foot and turned back.<br>"Al-RIGHT" the Doctor growled, "you deserve to know… there's more to what I've said… oh, I'm an idiot Craig… I try to hang low, and stay away from human affairs, but I fail miserably… all I do is get people hurt…"  
>The Doctor looked like he was on the verge of having an emotional meltdown. Craig felt somewhat depressed to see his world-saving friend seem so vulnerable. Setting aside Alfie's buggy for a second, Craig decided to abate his manliness for a second, and proceeded to give the Doctor a hug – in public, and everything. It was a half-hearted hug, and he noticed some people staring, but he didn't care.<br>"Don't beat yourself up, mate" Craig attempted to give words of comfort to the Doctor "all this dangerous crap that happens around you ain't your fault. You just try to do good, and yeah, sometimes it backfires... but you're a decent person. Alien… whatever. The point is, the fact you want to help doesn't make you an idiot in the slightest."  
>Despite being somewhat sappy and formed on the spot, Craig's words seemed to give his off-world friend some comfort, which was all that mattered. As a matter of fact, it seemed to have provided so much comfort that the Doctor's mood seemed to do a 180 degree rotation.<br>"Thank you, Craig," he said, quietly and gratefully, before his tone changed to that of an energetic one; "right. So! Basically, bout two, three weeks ago, the TARDIS locked on to alien signals, a communiqué, beaming out into space… the question was, what was producing these signals? I dunno. But they seemed to be coming from a very specific region of Colchester ; from a region baring not much beyond a farm. Farm being a very loose sense of the world, it's become all mass produced, and capitalist, and there's some factory there, eww… but yes, such an establishment has become, in recent months, very famous in the culinary world, so I decided to work at this supermarket, which fortunately stocks the establishments' products. Y'see, this farm's become the headquarters of a brand specialising in new super healthy meat substitutes, which personally sounds like a load of old nonse-"  
>"A brand specialising in meat substitute?" Craig burst in once again "what's its name?"<br>"Blimey, Craig!" the Doctor grumbled "you're in an interruptary mood today… heh, interruptary, what a word. Probably not even a word. In fact, it's not a word. It should be a word though. But yes, the brand's called… hmm… ah yes! Farmer Nick's All-in-All. Y'see, it-"  
>"Doctor!" Craig blurted out, "Sophie's addicted to that brand, and you're saying it's alien!"<br>"Craaaiiiggg!" the Doctor moaned "interruption! But yes, Sophie's addicted, and given the fact it might be alien… it's a cause for concern. And it's a clue. Perhaps. Does Sophie usually have an addictive personality, Craig?"  
>"No, actually, she's usually quite controlled." Craig replied. "It was confusing how she suddenly… turned, like she did. Do you think it definitely <em>is<em> aliens?"  
>"I'm afraid there's a good chance," the Doctor solemnly confirmed, "I think… further investigation is in order. What d'ya say, Craig?"<br>"Well I'd love to…" Craig pondered "but what happened to you being all, 'stay away from me, I'm dangerous'?"  
>"Well, if there's a chance this supposed alien plot involves your wife, you have a right to help out and all" responded the Doctor, "Besides, I'm gonna make an effort to make sure you're safe through this, Craig. Too many have suffered because of my carelessness. Not again."<br>The Doctor's face suddenly turned to that of realisation. He glanced at his watch.  
>"Craig, listen, my shift starts again in a sec," he explained "when can I see you? Perhaps go round yours, I mean, you do have some All-In-All products in your house, right? "<br>"I do, yeah," replied Craig "ironically tomorrow night, Sophie's out with her work friends. Could you come round then?"  
>"Coincidence, Craig."<br>"What?"  
>"It's not irony, Craig, it's coincidence. But back to your main point, yeah, I'm sure that'd be fine. So yeah… see you tomorrow, amigo!"<br>And the Doctor proceeded to turn round, and walk away. As did Craig, back to his car, taking Alfie with him. But as Craig got to his car, took Alfie out of his buggy and into the baby seat, folded up the buggy, put it in the boot, and was ready enter the car, he got a nasty tap on the shoulder. As a matter of fact, it was more of a thump than a tap. He turned round, ready to slap whoever thumped in the shoulder, but as he got a good look at such an individual; he saw that it was the Doctor.  
>"Sorry, Craig," the Doctor spluttered "I… was just wondering. You live in the same house you did last time, yeah?"<br>"YES, DOCTOR!" Craig snapped.  
>"Alright, alright…" the Doctor replied, bemused at Craig's rage "just asking."<br>And the Doctor turned around again, walked a few meters – then turned back yet again.  
>"So Craig, just checking, that's 6 Hadley Avenue, near the park with the big swings, right?"<br>"Yes. It is." Craig bluntly responded. He just wanted to get home as soon as possible at this point.  
>"Ooookay. See you!"<br>And the Doctor headed back into the supermarket, in a merry way. Craig, meanwhile, got in his car in a frustrating manner. As he drove home, the magnitude of the whole conversation he had with the Doctor had finally sunk in. Once again, aliens were going to potentially affect his life...  
>And then he remembered he never did get what he had to get at the shop. So he banged his head against the steering wheel in frustration.<p> 


End file.
